Big Jim’s Patriots Road Trip Guide to: Cincinnati
Big Jim here, back once again for a new slate of road trip recommendations for you, the Patriots fan, this 2024 season.
And lemme tell ya- we’re about to see who the just who the most hardcore of you Patriots fans there really are out there, because long gone are the salad days of Brady and Co. going into hostile road stadiums year in, year out, and ripping out the souls of both the opposing team and their yahoo fan base.
These days, if you’re dropping a good chunk of your hard-earned money to go see this team in whatever hostile road stadium THIS year (and frankly, going forward until further notice) what with the coach who might be in over his head, a rookie QB the organization might be too skittish to start, and the dullard that is Jacoby Brissett playing in his place then you sir or madam, are truly a Patriots super fan.
Well, it’s either that or you just really like to travel and have been lucky enough to have a nice disposable income, because let’s be honest – the football you’ll be paying to see this season sure as hell ain’t gonna leave you feeling like your road trip was worth it.
So that’s where I come in!
Lemme help fill your weekend with other stuff to do before you step into the viper pit of an opposing stadium to watch this Patriots offense struggle to get to 17 points.
Starting with… WEEK 1, in Cincinnati!
1) DO: GO TO KENTUCKY FOR A TASTE OF GERMANY!
Wait, what? Kentucky? Isn’t being in Ohio enough? Now you want me to go to ANOTHER equally worthless state?
I do.
And I promise you it’ll be worth it.
The Hofbräuhaus, located in Newport, Kentucky, is located just across the river from Cincinnati, and it’s an authentic Bavarian beer hall and restaurant, and it’s as loud and fun and festive a time you can have. It’s basically like getting to attend the real deal Oktoberfest in Germany. It’s festive, it’s funny, and it’s just something you have to experience.
The Hofbräuhaus will provide you with a genuine Bavarian experience, blending traditional German food, giant beers, busty waitresses, lederhosen, and a lively atmosphere.
2) DO: GET THE WEIRD CHILI!
Cincinnati chili is most certainly NOT for everyone. It’s not a “gray area” food, you’re either going to hate it like Mazz, or love it like me and Zo.
Just know going in, that Cincinnati chili gets its unique flavor because it is typically seasoned with a blend of spices that include cinnamon, cloves, allspice, and cocoa powder, which gives it a sweet and savory flavor. It’s not as spicy or tomato-heavy as many other types of chili.
They serve it over spaghetti, which is obviously quite different from the more traditional chili-in-a-bowl approach. This dish is known as a “3-way.” You can also get it “4-way” or “5-way” with additional toppings like shredded cheese, onions, and beans.
The place to get it at, in my opinion, is Skyline, but you could also get it at Gold Star Chili and not notice that much of a difference in taste.
It’s sloppy, it looks like cafeteria food, and it’s delicious!
3) DO: JUMP ON THE BELL CONNECTOR
I guess you could call this Cincinnati’s version of The “T”, as it’s a modern, and easy to use streetcar system that’ll take you around downtown Cincy, in a clean, spacious, and most importantly dirt cheap fashion.
It’s a quick and easy way to see the city and bar hop. Just make sure you download their app before jumping aboard.
4) DO: VISIT THE AMERICAN SIGN MUSEUM!
Admittedly, I’ve got a love for old kitsch and garish 1950’s neon advertising, so it was a given that I was going to love this place.
If you’re into old McDonald’s and HoJo’s signage, then you too will have no problem dropping the $15 to get into this place to wander around for a half hour or so and take a bunch of cool photos for your Instagram.
It’s really a great little museum, and worth a visit.
5) DON’T: GIVE THESE RUBES A HARD TIME ABOUT THEIR DUMB CHANT
These people already have to suffer enough, what with having to live in the South of Ohio or (shudder) Kentucky or Indiana.
So when you’re in the stadium, and you’re watching the Patriots getting their brains beat in, and these drunken Bengals fans start in with their obnoxious (and completely stolen from Saints fans) “Who Dey” chant – just let them have it.
They have precious little to really be proud of or happy about, and there’s no need for you to get into a fight or tossed from the stadium.
