Big Jim’s Patriots Road Trip Guide: Chicago
Welp!
So much for that whole “the Titans might actually be worse than the Patriots, so there’s no WAY they lose!” narrative that I, and others, were spouting last week.
Turns out, even with young Drake “Fun Bad” Maye at QB, the 2024 Patriots truly are terrible, and rightfully looked at as an underdog in every single game remaining this season.
Ah, well.
What the hell ya gonna do if you booked one of these road trips back in the summer, not go?
No way!
Especially if the road game you booked was for this weekend, in one of my top 5 favorite cities in the ol’ US of A – Chicago, Illinois!
With that, enjoy this Chicago Travel Guide for Week 10:
1) DO: LET THE DOGS OUT
I don’t just love the Chicago Hot Dog, I LUST for it.
It, along with the Detroit Coney, are my two favorite styles of hot dogs.
If you’re not initiated, the Chicago dog is a Vienna beef link, placed in a poppy seed bun and topped with the following ingredients: yellow mustard, nuclear green relish, onions, tomatoes, sport peppers (amazing) a pickle spear, and finished with some celery salt.
That might all sound like too much on a hot dog, but I promise you – The combination of ingredients creates a balanced, savory flavor with a bit of spice, tang, and crunch, and it’s INCREDIBLE.
I’d recommend picking up a few over at Portillo’s or Jim’s Original.
2) DO: GO TO ONE OF CHICAGO’S INCREDIBLE DIVE BARS
One of my favorite things about the city of Chicago, is that they’ve got no shortage of wonderful, charming, and 100% authentic dive bars.
Cheap beers, decent (to great) pub grub, old school jukeboxes, friendly people willing to do a shot of Malört.
You can’t go wrong at any of the following:
The Innertown Pub, Rossi’s, Rose’s and Burwood Tap in Lincoln Park, and the legendary Old Town Ale House.
3) DON’T: WASTE YOUR TIME WITH THE STUPID DEEP DISH PIZZA
Of all the “must try” regional cuisines in our great nation, there isn’t one that’s more foolish than Chicago Deep Dish.
I don’t care how many people try to convince you, it most certainly is NOT pizza.
No, it’s more like a thick, stupid pie with too much cheese and way, way too much sauce.
And perhaps more than anything else, it’s not worth waiting 90 minutes or longer to wait around to burn your mouth on this nonsense at any of the tourist traps serving it.
Don’t waste your time.
Trust me.
There are so many better things to eat in Chicago, like…
4) DO: RUIN YOUR SHIRT WITH AN ITALIAN BEEF SANDWICH
The Chicago Italian beef sandwich, made recently even more famous courtesy of the tv show The Bear, is a savory, flavorful classic that’s beloved in the city and is deliciously juicy.
The sandwich starts with thinly sliced, slow-cooked beef, simmered in seasoned au jus, served hot, piled high on a long, crusty Italian-style roll.
Then you top that bad boy with some Giardiniera: this is a mix of pickled vegetables like carrots, cauliflower, and peppers, often seasoned with garlic, herbs, and spices. You can opt for either mild or hot giardiniera, depending on your spice preference, and some sport peppers that I mentioned earlier with the hot dogs.
Finally, you can get the sandwich “dipped,” meaning the entire sandwich is quickly dunked into the beef’s broth, making it extra juicy and flavorful.
Alternatively, you can have it “dry,” where the sandwich isn’t soaked in the au jus.
This is how you’d order it if you’re soft and stupid.
Get it “dipped”.
Get it all over you.
It’s a messy, wonderful culinary experience.
I’d recommend you get one at Johnnie’s in Elmwood Park or at Pop’s.
5) DO: SOME TOURISTY STUFF!
If this will be your first time in Chicago, or maybe you’ve been before, and you need to kill a few hours in between drinking and stuffing your face again – Chicago offers some excellent tourist attractions that are absolutely worth your time and money.
My favorites:
Take a Chicago Architecture River Cruise. Chicago is famous for its architecture, and a river cruise is one of the best ways to appreciate the city’s stunning skyline. Tour guides often highlight the stories behind iconic buildings and their architects, including the Willis Tower, John Hancock Center, and the Tribune Tower.
Stroll over to Millennium Park and take a selfie or two at the shiny, reflective sculpture known as The Bean, and if you’re an old “Married with Children” fan, you’ll want to do the same at the instantly recognizable Crown Fountain.
And of course, one should absolutely check out the Willis Tower Skydeck.
Formerly known as the Sears Tower, the Willis Tower offers breathtaking views of the city from its Skydeck, which is located on the 103rd floor. The “Ledge” is a glass-floored observation area that lets you look straight down at the city below.
