Toucher & Hardy

Toucher & Hardy

Toucher & Hardy

(Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images)

Not just the worst 80s toys, but some of the worst 70s toys, too. We’ll explain, then we’ll get into the short list.

You can thank Jon Wallach for this one. Wallach came across this story on the 2024 inductees to the National Toy Hall of Fame. Yes, the National Toy Hall of Fame is a real thing. It’s part of the Strong National Museum of Play. Visit them in Rochester, NY. Or here.

Among this year’s enshrined playthings are two staples of ’80s toy stores and toy boxes: My Little Pony and Transformers. Given their popularity both then and now, I was actually surprised they weren’t already in the Toy HoF.

Worst 80s Toys: Decade of Greed

Since riffing on My Little Pony does not a radio segment make, we decided to dig into our childhood gift stashes and unearth not some of the best, but some of the worst toys we received. Some came to us on Christmas, others were birthday gifts.

What they all had in common, though, is that they were bad. And while most of them throw back to that decade of decadence that was the ’80s, there’s a couple of ’70s pics in the mix, too. From Wallach. Because he’s old.

Worst 80s Toys: Please Return It

If you’re reading this and you’re a younger Boomer, Gen Xer, or Elder Millennial (yes, that’s a thing), then a few of these will likely look familiar to you. And if they do, you’ll probably have the same response we did when we were brainstorming this list: these toys stink.

Thanks for checking it out and for listening to Toucher & Hardy weekday mornings on the Sports Hub. Visit our page here for more lists, podcasts from the show, videos, guests, and a whole lot more.

  • Colecovision

    Poor Freddy T, getting the poor man’s video game system for Christmas. Hey, at least you could still play Donkey Kong on it!

  • Sega Master System

    Another also-ran console. But here’s the thing: all my friends had Nintendo, so it actually ruled when we got Sega for Christmas. More video games to play!

  • Huffy Santa Fe

    Poor Wallach and his Southwestern-style 10-speed. I ended up with a Huffy, too. But it was a cool BMX! OK, it wasn’t cool at all. It was lame.

  • Micronauts

    No one aside from Hardy–who was unfortunate enough to receive some–remembered this dud toy. That tells you all you need to know about it.

  • GoBots

    GoBots, aka Transformers on the cheap. Were they lame? Yes. Did I love them anyway? Also yes. It was like having Matchbox car robots!

  • The Visible Man

    You know how I know this toy that Hardy had was awful? There’s not one commercial I could find about it. Not worth a dollar of marketing.

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