Mazz: After last night, the Bruins can be described in 3 words…Slow, stupid, and soft

Well, after a night like last night in Buffalo, let's keep it simple. The Boston Bruins can now be described in three words, all of which begin with S: slow, stupid, and soft.

As you know, Ty Anderson generally handles the Bruins coverage for the other experts (ahem) here at 98.5 The Sports Hub, and you can find his latest review of the Bruins' performance here. And on a night like last night, all you really need to do is look at the final score - Buffalo 7, Boston 2 - to get an idea of how badly the Bruins were blasted by one of the worst teams (this year) and franchises (ever) in the NHL.

So why did this one warrant an additional response from someone who generally (and thankfully) leaves the hockey to Ty Anderson?

Because it was that bad.

Look, I'll also admit: I was in my car last night when the Bruins closed to 4-2 in the third period. When the Sabres scored their fifth and sixth goals of the game, our color analyst, Bob Beers, sounded downright disgusted with the team when describing their play. Beers has obviously been announcing games for years and, like all broadcasters, has to walk a line so that he isn't viewed as either a cheerleader or a hatchet man. But when the Bruins look like traffic cones frozen to the ice, well, there really is only one way to go.

Which is why some of these goals from last night are worth revisiting.

For starters, let's point out that the Bruins actually scored first in this game. From that points forward, the Sabres scored seven of the game's nine goals and posted hat tricks from two different players. After the game, Jeremy Swayman said he'd wished that he could have made another key save or two, but he was hardly the biggest problem. At times, it looked like Swayman was out there by himself trying to defend against five skaters.

Here's a snapshot of the humiliation:

If you've ever played high school sports, this will register with you - and I admit I'm stealing a little from Billy Jaffe on the NESN postgame show. You remember those high school practices when the starters (or varsity) would practice against the backups (or the JV)? Well that's what this looked like.

First, the Sabres are moving at a different speed. Second, the Bruins look like their heads are spinning. If you have the chance to watch the play again, pay attention to Nikita Zadorov, who gets backed up by Mattias Samuelsson, then watched Ryan McLeod zip right by him to feed Thompson, who looks like he's putting a stick-on bow on a gift-wrapped box.

Holy smokes. Jim Murray could have scored this goal. Thompson finished with a hat trick.

The other Sabres player who notched three goals? JJ Peterka - who looked like an overgrown eighth-grader playing against third-graders on the pond near the neighborhood cul-de-sac. After Mason Lohrei turns over the puck, the 6-foot, 190-pound Peterka (not exactly Cam Neely-sized) blasts right between defenseman Lohrei and Parker Wotherspoon, then beats Swayman to the stick side.

Listening to Beers on this one, I thought he was going to kick both players out of the D-man fraternity. Just before this, the Bruins had actually scored to make it 4-2 with just under 10 minutes to play. There was still plenty of time to play. The Sabres needed all of 30 second to restore their three-goal lead.

Still down three goals with a little more than five minutes left, Bruins interim coach Joe Sacco has pulled Swayman and the Bruins have a faceoff in the offensive zone. Got that? It's 6-on-5. Bruins center Elias Lindholm wins the faceoff, at which points the Bruins ... well ... watch. Peterka jumps into void and then blows up the ice, flipping an easy wrister into the net for a 6-2 Sabres lead. Lohrei and David Pastrnak seem perplexed that Peterka actually wants the puck, though most of the Bruins appeared that way for much of the night. Anyway, those three plays pretty much crystallize what happened in Buffalo. Maybe the annoying Buffalo goal horn should serve as the soundtrack for the entire 2024-25 Bruins season.