True story: Summer, 2013.
Upon arrival at a swanky South Beach steakhouse that we had made a reservation at MONTHS in advance, me and my five friends were told by the snooty hostess that we’re going to have to wait at least an hour for our table.
But what about the reservation?!
When we were finally seated, nearly 90 minutes later, we were given a table for 6 located outside, in the rain, in an alleyway, literally right next to the restaurant’s dumpster.
While some of my friends were rightfully pissed off with this situation, all I could do was laugh, because it confirmed everything I’ve ever thought about Miami.
And that is this:
Miami is a place that really only caters to two kinds of people.
1) The obscenely rich.
2) The wildly hot.
Seeing as we were (and still are) neither of those things, being seated next to the trash was exactly what my friends and I so hilariously deserved that night in Miami.
I spin this tale as a warning to those Patriots fans who’ve never experienced the douchiness of Miami Beach, and will be traveling there this weekend looking to have a good time for the season opener against the Dolphins.
This is ESPECIALLY for those of you groups of dudes who’ll be wearing Mac Jones jersey’s and looking to pound Bud Lights non-stop.
Guys, if you keep your expectations minimal (no, you’re not going to get into E11EVEN) and know what to do and where to go, you can still have a relatively good time down there while keeping it pretty hassle free.
So with that, here’s a handy list of 5 “do’s and don’ts” for the Pats fan’s trip to Miami for Week 1.