New England Patriots

CLEVELAND, OHIO - DECEMBER 14: Lamar Jackson #8, J.K. Dobbins #27 and Mark Ingram #21 of the Baltimore Ravens kneel during a playing of the national anthem in the game against the Baltimore Ravens at FirstEnergy Stadium on December 14, 2020 in Cleveland, Ohio. (Photo by Jason Miller/Getty Images)

By Ty Anderson,

Baltimore Ravens quarterback Lamar Jackson wants it on the record that he did not poop his pants on Monday Night Football.

Or, as he put it, “pull a Paul Pierce.”

Facing off against the Cleveland Browns, and with the Ravens up 14, Jackson departed for the Baltimore bath locker room late in the third quarter. The Ravens dubbed it “cramps” and called Jackson questionable to return. Jackson’s run to the room, however, had people wondering just what it was that caused said cramping.

Or if it was truly cramping at all.

Experts say there’s no ‘m’ in the word the Ravens were looking for.

Jackson’s ‘Paul Pierce’ defense, of course, calls back to the story that Pierce required a wheelchair in the 2008 NBA Finals because he pooped his pants and didn’t want it to be known. Pierce, of course, hopped out of that wheelchair with the cameras out of sight, returned to action, and immediately dropped some big shots on the Lakers. (Close one there.)

Naturally, when the Ravens blew their lead, and with backup Trace McSorley injured and the Ravens facing a must-make 4th-and-5, Jackson came running out of the locker room and immediately hit Hollywood Brown for a 44-yard score. He stayed in the game and pinched off another scoring drive, this time to set up a Justin Tucker game-winning kick with two seconds left.

Jackson also had a towel strategically placed over the back of his pants upon his return.

It was as if a weight had been lifted off Jackson’s… uhh… shoulders. Yeah, shoulders.

“I didn’t pull a Paul Pierce,” Jackson claimed. “I was cramping.”

Listen, it’s a solid defense, but it simply doesn’t pass the smell test. Jackson, like everybody, poops.

Even his teammates know this to be the case.

He just finished in time to take the Ravens’ playoff hopes from the toilet bowl to the Super Bowl.

Anyway, allow this terrible toilet humor to distract you from the fact that he may have flushed the Patriots’ playoff hopes.

Ty Anderson is a writer and columnist for Any opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of 98.5 The Sports Hub, Beasley Media Group, or any subsidiaries. Yell at him on Twitter: @_TyAnderson.

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