By Ty Anderson, 985TheSportsHub.com
It finally happened: I was duped by The Internet.
It wasn’t the 43rd different version of the “Today is the day McFly goes to in the future!” Facebook post (Oct. 21, 2015, obviously) that got me, but rather a post near and dear to my heart, as Twitter user RideTheWave NFL “confirmed” that the Patriots would be bringing their 90s royal blue jerseys back for their Nov. 24 game against the Cowboys.
Our Inside source confirms with that the Patriots will be wearing their 90s royal blue jerseys vs the Cowboys on November 24th. First time they will wear those jerseys in 20 years. pic.twitter.com/lxxzlSmQ7Y— RideTheWave NFL (@RideTheWaveNFL) September 18, 2019
I had my doubts at first, because who the hell is RideTheWave NFL (besides my mortal enemy now), but then CNLS Media’s Alex Barth noted that the Cowboys were slated to wear their Color Rush jerseys for this Nov. head-to-head. Their Color Rush jerseys, mind you, are a nod to the jerseys Dallas wore back in… the ’90s.
This was the exact moment I went, “Oh my god, it’s really happening.”
Then everybody decided to pee on this party. ESPN’s Mike Reiss said that this was not happening. The Patriots Pro Shop’s Twitter also said that they would not be worn on the field this year. And because triple-sourcing is important, Paul Lukas (the man behind UniWatch) also confirmed that the Patriots would not be breaking out these jerseys in 2019.
ALRIGHT, EVERYBODY… I get it, life is back to being completely terrible. I’m extremely, extremely aware.
Now, I certainly wasn’t alone, with the initial “report” piling up over 1,200 retweets, but that doesn’t make it any better.
It’s not that New England’s current jersey is anything close to bad. It represents what’s been an unmatched run of dominance. Nobody should want to take that away from them. But having alternates and options is always welcomed, especially if you’re a ’90s kid like myself. Seriously, give me anything ’90s and I will protect it with my life — those old Coyotes’ jerseys they’ve wisely brought back, Area 51 at every arcade, those shark gummies, and yes, Ty Law in royal blue. It’s bad enough that the league’s helmet rules robbed of us of those b-e-a-utiful throwback red jerseys the Patriots rocked earlier this century.
But robbing me of No. 12 in royal blue? This feels criminal.
What do I want to happen to the person who lied about this, you ask? Nothing all that drastic. I just want them to have wet-sock every morning for the rest of their life, I want their favorite teams to never win a championship or even have a winning season (unless their favorite team is the same team as mine, in which case I hope they’re sleeping when it happens).
I also want them to get life in prison. Not even our prison, but that weird tunnel prison where they kept Bane.
Other than that, I hope they experience nothing but joy.
Beetle, on the other hand, is probably already torching the guy’s car given how strongly he’s campaigned for these jerseys.